The Monster's Retrospect
by MJFastlane
Summary: What is human anyway? And when are we really free? Who is to say whether we are monsters? Angsty introspection from the Demolition/Blitzkrieg Boys, after the first World Championships. DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
1. We Were Free: Ian

I am alive! barely...because studying is evil.

This is very much an experiment, and my first attempt at writing anything angsty. So if it fails drastically, let me know. Inspired somewhat by my set English texts, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and Ridley Scott's Blade Runner (1992 Director's Cut).

(I know I should be updating Adventure in Australia, but I've hit a wall called writers block. I will finish the story, just not right now)

This is part of my attempt to overcome writers block. But I've taken enough of your time already, so yeah...go read.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Beyblade, I wouldn't be posting stories on

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They told us we were free.

Free of those terrible people and their terrible experiments, they said. Free from oppression and fear, free from starvation and fighting and blood and violence. It sounded far more like they were talking about war survivors than a group of lonely, unfortunate orphans.

What would they know? Contrary to popular belief, Biovolt, Boris and Voltaire didn't treat us that badly. We weren't starved or abused, just trained relentlessly to be the perfect soldiers. After all, what soldier performs to his maximum capability when he's dying of hunger and abuse? No, Biovolt didn't treat us badly, but it wasn't because Boris or Voltaire liked us, only because the fogies needed us.

Undoubtedly, anyone involved in Biovolt was crazy. Who else but a crazy person would think that you could succeed in taking over the world with a bunch of children trained to be the best in a game involving spinning tops and elemental spirits? We didn't complain though; it was better than a life on the streets or in poor, understaffed orphanages. At least we were fed and clothed properly. So we forfeited emotions and everything that went with them, but so what? It wasn't like we needed them; even in the orphanages, they would have been useless. So we gave up our humanity and became mindless soldiers, less than everyone else, but at least we were still alive.

We didn't know what it was to feel. Pain didn't count, because it was a constant, like food, clothing and the need to be better than everyone else. Happiness, sadness, excitement, nervousness; these were all foreign things. The only things they encouraged us to feel were negative like rage, annoyance and jealousy – and really, that's not feeling, is it? That's just existing on a primal level, like some sort of animal. That's not freedom.

We knew we weren't free under Biovolt, but who ever said we wanted to be? If we ever did before, they crushed that impulse out of us, until we were incapable of independent thought. Even our battle strategies were well-rehearsed tactics committed to memory after long training sessions full of trial and error. So when they, the BBA, came to 'set us free' after the World Championships when we lost to the amateur Japanese team, we didn't know what to do. They said we'd be free to do what we want, but we aren't.

We're forced to go to therapy sessions, three times a week. Especially Bryan; none of them will even look at him after what happened to Ray. It's not his fault that's the way they taught him; he was just doing the only thing he'd ever known. They trust Tala to an extent; he always was the most rebellious, so I guess that makes him the least 'brainwashed'. Either way, he's always been the most charismatic; it's why he was captain. And it means of us all, he gets the best treatment from them. Spencer gets treated like he's stupid, and really, he's not – he's probably the smartest of us all, and I'm not just referring to academics.

And me? I get treated like a child, something I haven't been for a long time. And it's still not freedom. I've never been free, but I know what being chained is like, and we're still chained. Their methods might be kinder than Biovolt's, but the BBA still controls us, just as surely as the sun will rise in the east tomorrow.

But it's alright. We don't really want freedom anyway. After all, what would we do with it? We're evidently not fit for normal society, and at least the BBA cares what happens to us, sort of. At least this way we can relearn what it means to be human. Maybe one day they can even release us into society. Maybe one day we can even be human again. I'm sure we were, one time before. One time back when we were free.

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Well. Um. Yeah. Tell me what you think. Please leave a review?


	2. Monster Inside: Bryan

I got inspired and continued it. This time, from Bryan's point of view. Hopefully I can make a chapter for each of the Demolition Boys and Kai.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Beyblade, I wouldn't be posting stories on this site. But since I am, guess what? I don't own it.

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They say there is a monster inside all of us.

Somewhere deep down inside, the beast lurks. In many people, it never breaks free, and they go through life in a happy sunshiny bubble, with everyone believing that they are a good person. They are good people; but more importantly, they are lucky people.

The unlucky people are the ones in whom the monster rampages, lurking undisguised below the surface. They are the ones who are feared, reviled, hated, all for something that it often beyond their control. I'm not denying that there are people out there who are just fundamentally lacking in humanity, but for the majority of the 'monsters', they started out the same as anyone else.

We consider children to be the future. They are the embodiment of our precious hopes and dreams, untainted by misfortune and able to grow up to be anything they wish. At least, that's what most people tell themselves. Whatever helps them sleep at night, I suppose, because the truth of the matter is that children can be corrupted if exposed to the wrong people and influences. Monkey see, monkey do, indeed.

I wasn't a bad child. I'm sure when I was born, I was just as cute and innocent as any other newborn. It's what came after that changed me. I can't remember my parents. I don't know if they died, or if they merely abandoned me. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. All that matters is that I ended up in an orphanage, and that's where Boris found me. He took me in; took me to the Abbey, where there were other boys, all of whom seemed better cared for than any of the children at the orphanage. I was only a child; I didn't know any better. I thought what he was offering was good, and I took it. And even if I hadn't, it wouldn't have mattered. I was only a child.

Boris wasn't a monster to begin with, I'm sure. He must have been born and then corrupted, just like I was. The same for Voltaire, though Kai swears up and down that he just sprang to life as a fully fledged evil bastard from underneath a rock somewhere. A marble rock, because he's too good for an ordinary rock.

Tala, Ian, Kai and Spencer weren't monsters. In fact, I'm not convinced even now that they are monsters, no matter what anyone else thinks. Tala is the charismatic, rebellious, most-loyal-friend-you-could-ever-have. Ian is the mischievous, annoying, reminds-us-all-we're-still-technically-children. Kai is the cool, silent, keep-us-all-grounded. Spencer is the calm, intelligent, shoulder-to-cry-on-even-though-we're-men-and-men-don't-cry. Maybe you can't see that if you haven't been through what we've been through, but to me, it is as clear as day.

I've been told repeatedly that I'm a monster. Before the World Championships, I even used to believe it. But one thing that series of battles taught me is that labels are often just misconceptions that are more often wrong than right. Tyson looks like an idiot; most of the time he is an idiot, but he's got more spirit than all the cheerleaders in the world. Max seems like an innocent little kid, but he's much smarter than he looks. Ray seems like the type who'd know when he's beaten, and yet he fought the hardest of them all. Kai seems cold and uncaring, but somewhere way down inside, he cares just as much as everyone else.

I didn't do what I did to Ray because I wanted to, though I pretended like I did to keep myself safe from Boris' and Voltaire's wrath. I didn't really want to hurt him; contrary to what most people think, I don't like to inflict pain. I don't think it's a good thing, but I'm learning now that it really is terrible. Before the world Championships, I didn't know. All the better emotions were conditioned out of me; they were conditioned out of all of us. We needed to be perfect little soldiers, using only hatred, jealously and anger to fuel us. We were to become monsters.

Ian talks about freedom, because as the youngest of us, he is the one who can best remember what being a child was like, before Boris and Voltaire destroyed that part of us forever. He talks of freedom, and how it's been taken away from us; still is, but he believes we wouldn't survive if we were given freedom anyway. We've been caged too long, and I agree. The problem is that the monster wasn't caged, and even now it is, most people don't realise it.

The therapy is supposed to help, but I don't see what good it will do. People will do as they see fit, and if they see fit to call me a monster, no amount of therapy on my part will change that.

And therein lays the conundrum. These people, who are seen by society to be good and right and true, still bear a monster by the name of prejudice. I, who am seen by society to be a monster, carry no such beast because my experiences have taught me better than to judge when I don't fully understand, and yet I'm condemned for actions made without any sort of free will.

They say there is a monster inside us all, but I'm learning to tame mine. And at the end of the day, I know my monster will sit quietly while theirs roar, and even if they condemn me for the monster I had before, at least I can be content in knowing that within myself, it roars no more.

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I think I changed tangents halfway through. This literally just grew from the first line. Hope you like it/appreciate it/can in some way relate to it. Reviews are always appreciated.


	3. Sometimes: Tala

Well, here we go. Finally, Tala has a turn. I'm warning you though, it's short. And I have no idea where I ended up with this, so if it's really abstract or nonsensical, let me know.

**Disclaimer: **Row, row, row your boat, merrily down the stream. Terribly, terribly, terribly, terribly, owning Beyblade is just a dream.

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Sometimes I look out the window and wonder what it's like to be normal. Sometimes, I wish I had a family to love and be loved by. Sometimes I wish I never heard of the Abbey.

I do believe it's a part of human nature to wish for things we can't have. The saying 'the grass is always greener' is quite accurate – we always want more than we can have; we always want what we don't deserve. I know I do, sometimes. The others do too. Ian will often come to me and tell about some product he saw advertised on the television that he really wants, because it looks 'heaps cool'. I have no idea where he picked up that particular phrase, but it's incredibly annoying, in Russian or English. And sometimes I see Bryan staring at something in a shop window, while everyone gives him a wide berth like he might suddenly lash out and attack them. And he won't ever say anything, because he's just like that. All quiet and reserved; scared of being the monster everyone thinks he is. Occasionally even Spencer will mention something, in that casual off-handed way of his, like it's no big deal and he realises Bryan and Ian need way more looking after than he does, which isn't quite true.

The way I see it, we're all a family. Not by blood – none of us a related, or look the remotest bit alike – but by bonds, by choice and by desperation. We survived the Abbey, we were the best of the best; we're comrades, bound together by common experiences like old war veterans. Sometimes I'd like to say we survived worse than they ever did, but that would be a sort of sacrilege, I think, since they were fighting for the freedom of a country, while we were merely robbed of the freedom to be individual. Maybe that's why Ian harps on so much about freedom and its necessity. He's really into human rights now, not that I blame him. He'd make a great humanitarian – he's so short, no one would ever be afraid of him.

Sometimes I wish for a lot of things; wishing on stars at night, climbing up the ladder and sitting on the roof, just staring at the sky. I like to make wishes; to pretend that maybe something better will come my way. Sometimes I wish for good things for the others, because I know they won't do it for themselves. Even the youngest of us, Ian, is far too grown up; far too world-weary to do something as childish as wishing upon a star. So I do it for them.

It's my responsibility to look after them. I'm the team captain; I'm the one in charge. I'm the one with authority, I'm the 'head' of the family; I'm the one who looks after everyone. But I don't mind. I like it. I like watching over them, knowing that no matter how slowly, our lives and us as people are getting better. Free of Boris and the Abbey, we're learning how to live again.

Sometimes I sit and think about all the things we could have been. I really would like for us all to be at a point where one day we can turn around and say to everyone who has ever doubted us: 'Look at us now. Look how far we've come. Look and know – this is what we would have been if it wasn't for Boris. This is what we would have been.' Because we are people, we are human, and we are making our way through this world just like everyone else. And we will be normal people, no matter how long it takes; no matter how hard it is. We will do it; I'm sure of it.

And we'll do it together. Because we're a family, and we're each others' support network. After the Abbey, we don't have anyone else, so it's even more important that we all help each other. I don't know if the others actively realise it – I think Spencer does, but Ian's clueless, and Bryan still barely understands the concept of 'person', let alone 'family' – but we are a family, and we are in this together. We might be the most dysfunctional family the world has ever seen, but we are one all the same, no matter what.

Someone once said 'And in the end, it's not the years in your life, but the life in your years'. I think it might have been an American president; I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter. What matters is living a life that's actually been lived, instead of wasted. And that's what I'm going to do. No matter what else I become or what people think of me, I'm going to live a good life. I'm going to compensate ten times over for the years squandered in the Abbey, and I'm going to help the others do it to. Because we're a family, and it's my responsibility as leader to look after my family. No matter what we're in this together.

Sometimes I wish I'd never been to the Abbey, but then I never would have found my true family.

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Well...yeah. I don't know about this one. I kinda like it, though I don't think it really came out how it was in my head. Ah well. Let me know what you think. Please?


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